Clarity

The sun has been well and truly out and shining this week, who doesn't like it when they can get there summer frocks out and put the winter jumpers away, lets just hope this weather continues so we can actually say yes I remember the summer of 2012 rather than ow yeah you remember that week of sun and heat we had!!
I have always had pale skin and most of the time have that pasty look about me oh so not good, I have often questioned the fact that I never get a beautiful tan like many girls instead I stay pasty looking or burn like a lobster eek. However I now have the answer to why I can never get a beautiful tan it`s simple I just don't have the patience! This week My friend and I took a picnic and blanket and decided to take advantage of the sun, we found a great sun bathing place with beautiful green grass beneath are feet and amazing views of the seas. Out came the sun cream and I actually braved it and put on my bikini top and some shorts this is a rarity for me I`m not one for exposing myself and lying in the sun. We had are picnic and some well thanked for frozen drinks that had turned to slush in the heat, then began are journey to getting that longed for tan, after only half an hour lying in the heat and I have to say continually turning over, sitting up then lying back down I admitted defeat and couldn't take the heat any longer and needed shade. So this is why I am always pasty looking I`m just not one for lying in the sun I haven't the patience but dame people make it look so easy lying bathing themselves, who would have thought it was actually really hard!!
I have found this week really draining with the heat not nice at all like someone has left me unplugged (if I were to be plugged in :) and my battery is just draining away and because of this my appetite seems to be no stop I`m dreading standing on the scales and seeing what damage I have done hehe.

I had choir this week and had some much needed catching up to do as I had missed the last four week with hospital admission and previous chest pains etc. It was are last choir session before we broke up for the half term and had a social evening after practise I made some cup cakes and put raspberry icing on them but I rather think they were a bit sickly in taste so wont be experimenting that one again.

Since my last lot of iv`s two weeks ago I have had a small lung bleed but despite this my chest feels fairly good and I have been pushing my lazy self to walk the dog even if it is only for a few minutes in the hope I can extend the distance I walk, well if I don't try my fitness level most surly wont improve so I haven't anything to lose but try.
On my way back from my very short walk with Opal I meet a old school friend who I haven't talked to in about 8 years even thou we only live 5 min from each other, it`s funny how the world seems so small some times i.e I was on holiday a few years back to Centre Parc and my neighbour happened to be at the same place at the same time and yet this friend I meet today lives so near but for the past 8 years we haven't encountered each other until today.
We talked for a while asking each other more or less the same question, she said how she went to uni but only went for a term before having to leave because her Diabetes was getting to much for her and the stress of full time work was making her very unwell. She now works a few hours here and there rather than set hours a week and is enjoying life working on her own terms to maintain her health, I could tell by the way she was talking about her job and house etc that she was in a really happy place. When I got home it made me think that's is just what I want to feel happy and at Peace with myself to feel fulfilment with my life, how I go about that I`m no entirely sure yet maybe I need to stop worrying what the out side world think of me first. People who don't no me I feel look at me and see this young woman looking well with a mask of makeup on and question why I am not working full time. We live in a society that is so judgmental upon first appearance and I no this is only nature but it doesn't make it any easier to except. If anything today meeting an old school friend has taught me to be myself but most of all be happy and stop looking for happiness that cant be found because I already hold the key to my own happiness.